Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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