dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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