i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
