if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
