What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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