dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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