there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
