I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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