So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
