can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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