My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
