I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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