Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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