I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
