The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
