not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
