THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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