is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
