I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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