so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
