How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
