I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
