i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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