this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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