my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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