yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
