I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
