Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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