Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
