belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He kissed a someone with a penis
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
