he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
