Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
