So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
