Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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