You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
