happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
my poor anus
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
