You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
