Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
