Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize