GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
