I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
