some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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