She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
