I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
