Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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