Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
