Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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