I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
