"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My pussy is not your playground.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
