oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wish you could order shots online.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
