dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
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He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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