i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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