Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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