somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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