I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
