it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
