Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am mentally ready for anal.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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