nut hugger
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
