I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
