As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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