dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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