i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
