i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
